Kung Fu Reviews

All this talk yesterday about Double Impact gave me a quick hankering to rewatch the film. It's one of the few Van Damme films I don't have in my collection but luckily, thanks to my friend Mr. Netflix, I have just as readily available as Twin Dragons was.

Double Impact is not only a fun film but once of JCVD's best. When Chad and Alex's parents are murdered, the twin babies are split up: one baby is taken by a nursemaid and the other is taken by the family's bodyguard. Chad grows up in California to a privileged lifestyle with "Uncle Frank". Alex grows up in the mean streets of Hong Kong. When Frank is finally able to locate Alex, he tells Chad the truth and both make their way to HK. Why tell the truth? Because after 25 years it is time for the twins to know the truth: that their parents were murdered by the Chinese Triads. What happens next? Pure Van Damage baby.

The characters played by Van Damme we've already seen before...which makes this movie so much fun. Chad, as the wide eyed twin, is played alot like Kickboxer's Kurt Sloane. He's fun, eager, and perhaps not as street-wise as everyone else. Alex, with his black outfit and slicked-back hair, comes off just like No Retreat No Surrender's Ivan the Russian. Alex is a mean SOB who really takes no shit from no one.

A big gripe with Twin Dragons is that both parts were really...Jackie Chan. What I mean by that is - watching Double Impact you feel like you are watching Van Damme as Chad...but there is a big difference between Chad and Alex. They feel like twins who are nothing alike and PLAYED BY DIFFERENT PEOPLE even though they are both just Van Damme.

There's two other big selling points to the flick. #1 is Geoffrey Lewis, who plays Frank. He's starred with everyone from Clint Eastwood to Sylvester Stallone - and who can forget his role in Only the Strong??? #2 is the return of Bolo Yueng who squared off against JCVD in Bloodsport. Bolo really makes an awesome villain and he is awesome beating up two JCVD's in this film.

Sure this film is far from perfect - there are some truly cheesy scenes here especially some of the gun fighting...but I'm SO okay with it. It's just a fun film and the doubling effects are done very, very well.

There's no need to really discuss the rest of the plot - is there? Van Damme and Van Damme go after bad guys. They all die. There is an AWESOME fight scene at the end with bodybuilder Corrina Everson (looking quite built and HAWT). Van Damme vs. a hot bodybuilder chick?!?! Didn't I tell you this movie had everything!?!?!?

To top this all off the film is directed by Van Damme fave Sheldon Lettich who wrote Bloodsport, wrote and directed Lionheart, plus a bunch of later Van Damme flick.  Lettich also wrote and directed Dacascos flick Only The Strong.  So YAY!

Major Van Dammage in this flick...happy to say it still holds up nicely.

I never a found a undubbed copy of Twin Dragons so up until this point I had never seen the film. Netflix recently put Twin Dragons on their instant queue list so this morning I got up and put the flick on.

What I knew about the film was little other then Jackie Chan had got the idea for doing a film about twins after seeing the Jean Claude Van Damme film Double Impact. I really enjoy the hell out of Double Impact and liked the idea of Jackie as twins as well.

Jackie is joined by perennial cutie co-star Maggie Cheung as well as co-directors Ringo Lam and Tsui Hark - who became two of JCVD's favorite directors in the late 90's.

Now watching the dubbed version I see there is many changes made - I'm reviewing the ABYSMAL dubbed version so I'll be referring to the characters in the English form of the film.

Jackie plays both John Ma and Boomer - twins seperated at birth thanks to a rare felon breaks out of a hospital and stealing a twin to escape only to leave it in the woods accident. Boomer, left in the woods, ends up taken in by a hooker and grows up to be a car mechanic, small time felon, and martial art expert. John Ma was raised by his parents in New York where he becomes a world-class musician.

The two come together in Hong Kong. Mobsters are after Boomer for money he owes and John Ma, who is there for a concert performance, gets mixed up AS Boomer. So the two run around running into each other, being forced to pretend to be one another, and other very boring situations.

The film is horrible - I'm sure this is not just because of being a dubbed version. It is just...boring for a Jackie Chan film.

On top of that - the split screen when the "twins" are on-screen is ABYSMAL. I don't buy it for a second - it looks like bad special effects. It's a shame becuase...I mean..FORGET Double Impact - this was done flawlessly in the sixties with Disney's The Parent Trap!!! Yes, Hayley Mills is far more convincing as a twin then Jackie Chan. Back to Double Impact - as a martial arts film the flick is FAR beyond this film. This is with Jackie Chan being a better actor and martial artist then Van Damme ....even with this....Van Damme SCHOOLS Chan in a film like this.

In the end they need to get money to the mobsters, and save Boomer's friend, and a bunch of other boring stuff you really don't care about. In the end this is a kung-fu flick far worth not watching whether it is dubbed or in Chinese - just go out and rent Van Damme's Double Impact for a far more entertaining feature.  Twin Dragons is by far the worst Kung Fu film I've reviewed thus far.

I had never even heard of the film Ninja until a buddy of mine told me about it recently. I thought he was talking about the filnm Ninja Assassin which is also a brand new 2009 film but I was informed that this is an entirely seperate film.

Knowing nothing about the film I started to watch - in a Japanese dojo a lone white guy named Casey (played by uber martial art expert Scott Adkins - who is WAY too built for this own good) trains along other Japanese. Casey was an orphan and has been raised and trained at this dojo. There is a hot chick and a guy who is dressed in black and doesn't like Casey. When the Sensei of the dojo (Mako lookalike Togo Igawa) declares that dressed-in-black guy Masazuka (Tsuyoshi Ihara) and Casey are both nearly ready to take over the dojo - Mas gets that look in his eye. Casey wears white. Casey likes the hot chick. Masazuka wears black. Masazuka lurks in the shadow stalking the girl. Masazuka practices his swordplay at night. I wonder who is going to be the good guy in this movie and who is going to be the bad guy?????

Masazuka's hate-on for Casey shows when the sensei orders them out in the ring for some sword fighting. Mas kicks his ass, shattering Casey's wooden sword. He then beats the shit out of Casey some more and steals someone REAL sword. This attempt to kill Casey is halted by Casey himself and some of the classmates. Masazuka has broken the code of the school and is expelled. He is heartbroken and screams into the air. So I knew we had the bad guy and now he is expelled. I fully expect the plot to be about Casey having to track down and fight Masazuka in the real world once he sets himself up as (a) an assassin or (b) a boss - either way using his martial art for personal gain and killing mofos.

Alright - so this plot is TRANSPARENT. Even though I guess those plot points right away I'm quite glad to stick with it because luckily the story is much more fun.

So the plot moves on with Masazuka wanting the secret ninja armor passed down from generation to generation. Sensei, knowing that Mas will come for it, sends Casey, Namiko (AKA Mika Hijiia AKA hot oriental chick), and two others (nameless guys you know will die) to New York to keep the box safe. Masazuka returns to the school for the box and kills everyone trying to find it. If the sensei can't stop the awesome evilness of Masazuka - who wants the secret ninja stuff and will stop at NOTHING to do it!!!

Of course Masazuka finds out they are in New York, of course Mas is now an uber-awesome ninja assassin guy, and of course those two guys die! Casey and Namiko try and run away, some uber-secret society gets in the way...and things go...AWESOME!

Scott Adkins plays Casey very reserved - he's not a wise-cracking guy. You aren't watching this film for the dialogue and luckily the cinematography is great. The acting...not so much. Also they are in New York but it NEVER looks like New York - it always feels like a back lot or some corner in Vancouver. There's lots of style but, again, the flick is thin on plot. The character of Casey is very good...and Mas is very bad...it feels like a comic book film and you need to suspend disbelief like a comic book film to have fun.

Adkins sells the movie with his amazing martial arts. The guy can just MOVE. Seeing him in this film makes me want to see his other films like Undisputed 2 and Shephard: Border Patrol (with JCVD!!!). The guys who made this made Undisputed 2 and are making Undisputed 3...once again with Adkins. This movie impressed me enough to want to see alot more of Adkins - too bad he didn't have a killer budget with this or Ninja could have been twice the film.  Now I need to see Ninja Assassin to truly see who is 2009's Ninja King.

Under Siege is the ultimate action film and by far Steven Seagal's best film. It has everything you ever need: a great script, incredible directing, and a monster cast.

Plot: Seagal is a cook on the USS Missouri that is going to shortly be docked and have its nuclear weapons taken off. Tommy Lee Jones is the leader of the bad guys who take over the the ship and lock up its crew. With the nuclear weapons now at his disposal only Seagal can take down all the bad guys. How can he do this? Because not only is he a cook - but a former bickity-bad-azz Navy Seal - joined by a hottie Playboy Playmate (Erika Eleniak) who had been brought in for a party on the boat.

Seagal. Tommy Lee Jones. Bernie Casey. Gary Busey. Joined by a Playboy Playmate and a bunch of other guys you swear you've seen in films before (like Star Trek's Colm Meaney and awesome former Marine Captain Dale Dye who you all must know from Band of Brothers).

Director Andrew Davis surely sharpened his skills with Under Siege because the next year he filmed the Fugitive which was nominated for Best Picture and won Tommy Lee the Oscar! How did they get so good? Well...by making Under Siege of course!

Seagal's Casey Ryback kicks major ass. This is awesome Seagal - skinny with no ponytail. He kicks major ass and takes no names against the bad guys. Seagal's best flicks would be these Under Siege films (part 2 kicks some ass as well), but this is Seagal with his best cast.

Tommy Lee Jones is awesome as the main heavy - you don't want to fuck with him and you just know him and Seagal will end up fighting in the end. That fight may be a tad disappointing (it's a knife fight filmed in cuts) - but Seagal Vs. Jones works QUITE well.

Seagal is MacGyver when he needs to be, runs around kicking ass with Aikido, and enjoys his time running around with Eleniak who is just busty, blonde, and HAWT.

The bad thing about this movie??? Gary Busey in drag. It's one of the worst moments in movie history and it happens in this film. It is...well...disgusting.

It's been over fifteen years since this classic came out and it still plays like gangbusters. Watching this baby again just made me smile from ear to ear. Sure there's not major martial arts employed in the making of this film, but when Seagal moves into a baddie he sure is kicking his ass Aikido-style.

Has it been awhile? Go get Under Siege and have yourself a great night.

Winners and Sinners (AKA Five Lucky Stars) would be the start of a hugely successful series in HK. While Winners and Sinners is the "first" of the series the second film, My Lucky Stars, would feature most of the same characters but change a bit of the situation from the first. My Lucky Stars comes off as a spiritiual sequel with the 3rd film, Twinkle Twinkle Lucky Star, being the first true sequel. Make sense? AWESOME!

Only the first three films would feature Sammo Hung (who stars and directs) along with his brothers Jackie Chan and Yuen Biao. None of the three appear together on-screen at the same time - Biao's appearance is basically a cameo and Jackie plays a hapless cop who has a side story.

The film itself centers on five men who wind up in jail together. This crew decides to become 'brothers' while in jail and when they are all released they go into business together, along with the sister of one of the cons. They all aren't true cons - most of the gang are just petty thieves while one is a political activist. The gang consists of Teapot (Sammo Hung), Curly (John Shum), Vaseline (Charlie Chin), Rookie (Stanley Fung), and Exhaust Pipe (Richard Ng), along with Curly's sister Shirley (Cherie Chung). Together they form the Five Star Cleaning Company - which cleans office buildings and stuff. They all live at Curly's uncle's place where all of them (minus Curly) do nothing but try to sleep with Shirley.

Jackie plays a cop who destroys everything in his path. He usually gets the bad guy but ends up breaking everything, causing car crashes, and leaving everything chaotic in his wake. He's not really important to the film itself - he basically shows up for star value. He does get to quickly fight Biao after the duo have a misunderstanding. That's fun.

While Biao is my favorite martial artist of all time, it sure is fun to watch Sammo. He's truly my idol. He's just a big, fun, heavy, self-depricating guy you just have to cheer for. In this film he's low man on the totem pole (he's 5th brother) but he's the leader come My Lucky Stars.

This film is certainly not a kung-fu film. It's a comedy with a bunch of kung fu thrown into it. It's really fun when the 5 Lucky Stars are off doing something together - like all hit on Shirley. They are all perverts...which makes them loveable losers who really just can't 'get theirs'.

The best is Richard Ng. The man is just a comedic genius. He is the best part of these films and any film that he suddenly shows up in (his cameo in Wheels on Meals where he's locked up in an insane asylum comes right to mind). Here he's just a guy who can't fight, can't land the woman, and tries to become invisible. That's right - he's studying how to become invisible. Does it work? Of course not. Do they trick Richard into thinking he's invisible so he'll walk around naked? Yes they do - and it's played for some of the best laughs in the film.

There is a really pintless rollerskating contest scene really only good for showing off the skills that Jackie acquired for Battle Creek Brawl - having previously never rollerskated in his life. He really does an outstanding job showing off his skating moves...but does it have ANYTHING to do with the plot? Nooooooooooo. Does it matter? Nooooooooooo. There's a slim payoff when Jackie runs into two guys exchanging money for product, but this could have been done anywhere - it didn't have to be at a rollerskating contest.

The film has a nice, thrown together quality to it. It's more of guys having fun with a plot attached - kind of like how I felt Ocean's Eleven was. The cast works well together! I loved watching this film so much I'm going to throw in My Lucky Stars right now so I can continue the fun.

Since starting my Kung Fu Reviews I've basically been going through my massive collection and rewatching films one-by-one for these reviews. Today, straight from HK, I received a copy of Zu: Warriors from the Magic Mountain in the mail today. So I find myself, for the first time, reviewing a Kung Fu film that I've never actually seen before. JOY!!!!!

There are quite a number of Yuen Biao films I have yet to watch, Biao being my favorite martial artist of ALL time. The man is so fun to watch especially his films from the late 70s / early 80s. Zu falls into that category, having been released back in late 1983.

The film is not your typical wuxia film and is more of a fantasy/sci-fi film based in the 10th century. Watching the film it really reminds me, for some reason, of John Carpenter's awesome Big Trouble in Little China. The film is plagued with bad special effects but what can one expect from a film from 1983? A part from the cheese the film is WAY fun which I'm truly glad for.

Biao plays Ti Ming Chi, a soldier caught up in a massive China civil war where at least five different factions are fighting each other at once. When we meet Ming Chi he gets caught up in a fight with a soldier from another army (Sammo Hung!!!) only to discover they are about to get caught up in a much bigger fight. The two decide to team up and try to get out of this massive fight alive, play fighting with each other to try to make it out of the fight. This leads Ming Chi to find a hidden hole in a mountain where he runs into the mystical Swordsman.

Ming Chi gets caught up with Swordsman, another powerful monk Master Ting, and his student Yi Chen all looking to take down a bunch of uber-baddie mythical creature types including the Blood Demon. Fighting these creatures Ming Chi realizes quickly that there's more to the world then the fighting of men. Another monk (also played by Sammo) defeats the Blood Demon but only the body is destroyed, the soul survives and starts to make a new body. So Ming Chi is sent on a quest to get the Twin Swords that can kill the Blood Demon's soul, aided by his friends, and sought after by many enemies.

The film is an early directorial effort by Tsui Hark - who I just talked about in my Double Team review. Though this was made nearly fifteen years earlier with cheesy special effects it is 100x the movie Double Team is. Watching the film only leads to a question...what would Hark do with a bigger budget and a premise like this?!? It's an easily answered question: Hark would do a 2001 sequel titled The Legend Of Zu starring Sammo and Crouching Tiger's Zhang Ziyi. I'm not sure if that film is a true sequel or a spiritual one - I'll have to find out when I finally get a chance to watch it in the future.

It's also very cool that Biao becomes a super cool super guy psychic Jedi guy with a kickass lightsaber thingie.

So if you are in the mood for a weird, awesome wuxia flick with killer chicks (both in looks and they are kickass fighters), evil demons, kung-fu, Biao wish a weird lightsaber, and more....Zu is certainly the flick for you. I can see how some people may not like this film as it isn't your a-typical kung fu flick, but I think that's why I really liked it. Like Biao's The Iceman Cometh it combines some supernatural elements that makes an average kung fu film alot more fun.

Jackie Chan had spent a short time in Australia back in the 1970s - he had made a few films with him in a starring role that weren't successful and went to Australia before heading back to HK to become the star he would become today. It was even in Australia where he received the name 'Jackie.'

It was nice that in 1997 he made an English-language movie in Australia - made even better when he reunited with Sammo Hung who directed the film. The plot is your basic chase-after Jackie for a McGuffin and he takes on 3,000,000 bad guys. Who needs plot!?!?!? This is an amazing action flick with tons of Jackie kicking major ass against drug lords and gangs!

So Jackie is...Jackie - a TV chef who gets mixed up with a reporter that videotapes a drug lord and his crew taking on a local gang who stole his cocaine. Jackie saves the reporter only to end up with this mysterious videotape - which then ends up in the hands of an eight year-old who unknowingly takes the tape and thinking it's some sort of cool movie.

Everyone wants this tape because of how damaging it is. Everyone knows Jackie because he's on TV. So the drug kingpin (Richard Norton - once again playing an awesome Jackie Chan heavy) AND the rival gang both hunt down Jackie and his friends looking for the videotape. So Jackie spends most of the movie trying to avoid these people while trying to save his girlfriend from the mitts of the evil gang.

With a subpar plot you need alot of action and you need this action done WELL. Jackie's stunt team once again brings the action and Sammo, no stranger to delivering an action packed film, directs the hell out of Jackie and his stunt team. The results are a well done action packed comedy.

It's refreshing to have this in English as well. No dubbing - when Jackie's girlfriend Miki shows up and knows no English we are greeted with subtitles. It's part of the plot and thank God she isn't dubbed. Jackie isn't the best English speaker in the world but he has certainly moved past his bad 80's films.

It was nice to see Jackie and Sammo on-screen together again (Sammo has a cameo as a bike courier) and also Jackie with Richard Norton - who he worked with on both City Hunter and Twinkle Twinkle Lucky Stars. Norton is that great tall, good looking, cocky bad guy who had mad martial arts skillz - a perfect villain for Jackie.

All-in-all Mr. Nice Guy is another Jackie Chan film that you can't take too seriously and you'd never want to. You are in it for the action and the fun and Mr. Nice Guy easily delivers on both parts.

In terms of action movies it is way, way, WAY too easy to bash Double Team. Pairing Van Damme with Dennis Rodman just doesn't 'seem' like a bad idea - it 'IS' a bad idea.

It had been a number of years since I watched Double Team and in those years my kung fu/action film knowledge has probably increased 100 fold. The first new knowledge I had about this film is that it is directed by Tsui Hark - a director/producer fairly infamous in HK. Some say he is fairly hard to work with. Some swear by him. He's produced/directed an amazing amount of films including Jet Li's Once Upon A Time In China series, John Woo's A Better Tomorrow series, and going all the way back to Yuen Biao's classic Zu Warriors From The Magic Mountain.

Would have Tsui Hark direct this film make it better or worse? My guess even back then would be the same as now: some kickass action with horrible acting.

Hark had some horrible acting takes in this film. It's hard to get great talking out of Van Damme at times and I'd say the directors who simply shoot, cut, and print are ones from the HK market like Hark and Ringo Lam. Obviously Van Damme is fully capable of amazing performances - from the current fan-rave JCVD going way back to Bloodsport.

Add Dennis Rodman here who cannot act. Who cannot speak. He's simply horrible. He's flamboyant Dennis Rodman put in some horrible clothing and made to try to look like he can fight. He can't. Flip that to Coolio from China Strike Force. Coolio was fun, he actually could act, and he could fight - whether that be him or at times his double - you couldn't tell nor care. If Van Damme was teamed with Coolio I think this movie would have had a lot more going for it.

The saving grace is, of course, Mickey Rourke. Rourke wasn't the golden child he is now since his resurrection thanks to Sin City and The Wrestler back when he filmed Double Team but that doesn't mean that he doesn't bring his amazing acting skills. He does - and when he's on film he certainly is the ultimate baddie. Is he on-screen enough? Of course he's not.

The plot of this film is certainly not important: Van Damme plays Quinn who comes out of retirement to take down his old nemesis Stavros (Rourke). Quinn is seemingly killed but wakes up on a beautiful island with all sorts of "dead agents". Stavros has declared war on the world and in investigating a bombing (the job of the "dead agents" on this island is to interpret information for different countries) he sees a clue that Stavros has his hands on Quinn's pregnant wife. So Quinn escapes the island, teams up with his arms dealer Yaz (Rodman) and goes forth to save his wife and kill Stavros.

It is HARD to get through Double Team. The film is clunky and moves slow. I'm sure most people who don't have it in them would just turn this film off. That is actually a shame becuase the ending is actually done quite well. It's Van Damme and Rodman vs. Rourke and a tiger. A real life tiger. It's pretty damn sweet even with Rodman's horrible acting.

Sammo Hung is actually credited as a special action coordinator on the film and I'm not sure how he helped - but I wouldn't be surprised if the ending of the film was chorerographed by Sammo.

Speaking of the credits - there is a song done by Crystal Waters WITH Dennis Rodman. You really have to hear it to believe it. ACTUALLY - the song is ten times better than his entire performane on film.

If you want great Van Damme go watch JCVD. If you want great Rourke go watch The Wrestler. If you want great Rodman..well...you'll never find that but you might have a better time with Simon Sez just because of Dane Cook.

As for Double Team - it's a bad film with a great ending probably made even worse by the horrible directing of Tsui Hark and the awful acting of Dennis Rodman. For Van Damme fans like me only.

While I was at MovieStop a couple weeks back I picked up Bulletproof Monk in a Buy 3 Get 1 Free promo. I had seen Bulletproof Monk at the dollar theater many moons ago when it first came out and I remember think it was...'meh-okish'. But as I'm doing these kung-fu reviews I figured I could really use different genres so I'm just reviewing Jackie Chan movies every day.

Bulletproof Monk is a fun action film featuring two of my favorite things: kung-fu and comic books (yes sir - this is actually an adaptation of a comic book!). The plot is simple - one Monk watches a scroll for sixty years, gaining powers so to protect the scroll until he finds the next scroll watcher. In the 40s Nazis invade the temple looking for the scroll right as the power changes hands from the old monk to the new Monk (Chow Yun Fat). The head Nazi is Karel Roden, who is probably most famous for playing the head Nazi in Hellboy. It's a wonderful career tract for him and I'm sure he was pissed not getting cast in Inglorious Bastards.

Monk gets away and sixty years later the Nazis are still following him in the modern day. Monk is looking for a replacement and ends up running into Kar (Seann William Scott), a good-hearted pickpocket who knows kung-fu because he works at a movie theater that plays only kung-fu films. The baddies are after Monk, so Kar ends up caught in the middle. There's also Jaime King who is there to be the love interest and look totally hot - accomplishing both with ease.

Let's face it - Chow Yun Fat hasn't been too impressive in his American films. I actually watched The Replacement Killers last night as it really was a sub-par film. The one thing you realize between that film and Monk is how much he's improved on his English. It is certainly alot clearer and expansive then it was in TRK.

'Stifler' is the big sell of this film and as a young, charismatic actor Bulletproof Monk is sold on his ability to perform kung fu and his matchup with Chow Yun Fat. Seann is awesome in the film - he's cocky, he's charming, he's fun. He pulls the action scenes very well and while this film won't win awards for its wire work, the scenes are done well. This is the type of film where everyone knows how to fight well. The heroes, the heroine, the bad guys, everyone can kick some major ass.

So having Nazis as your bad guys always feels lazy to me - especially in a movie during the early 2000's. Having never read the comic I'm not sure who were the baddies and if they were Nazis pehaps that makes sense why they are the baddies in the film adaptation. But really? Nazis? COME ON.

Well - no kung fu fan will mistake Bulletproof Monk for a film by Yuen Wo Ping but it truly has its moments. I think it is one of Chow Yun Fat's best American roles, if not the most fun. Did I mention that Jaime King is SMOKING in this film??? Cause she is...

A BIG P.S. - This film is not only a kung-fu film but is a comic book film - so it also will double as the first review of our new 'Comic Film Reviews' section!  GOOD JOB MONK!

This is a bit of a stretch for a 'kung fu review' but I thought it would be fun to cover the first episode of Seagal's Lawman series. Good ol' Stephen has been a Sheriff for twenty (twenty!?!?!) years now and finally landed his own reality show on A&E. It's like Cops - "Good Ol' Boys Edition" featuring Stephan Seagal!

Sure Seagal is a bit bigger then he used to be but give the man a break, he's 57 years old now! The episode really was ...well... FUN! I can't even imagine being the people who call the cops and have Seagal show up. I'd personally be like, "Fuck...I can't run. He's gunna aikido the shit outta me!"

One thing you learn in this episode is how Seagal applies his zen philosophy to shooting a gun. The man can shoot. He is AMAZING. I was in the Army for 12 years, I'm an incredible shot, but Seagal is...the man is a born sniper. It's astonishing to see him just kill every target and how spot on he is. His grouping is phenom. If you don't know what grouping is then you really don't know much about guns..so just take it from me when I say he's a natural.

If you came looking for Seagal to karate chop the bad guys, the show doesn't feature that. But he does chase after REAL criminals - so it's instantly much more interesting then most reality shows out there.

Seagal bash all you want, but the man is still amazing in my eyes. Lawman premiered to the highest numbers A&E has ever had so obviously the show is going nowhere. It's nice to have Seagal back, even if it is on TV or a small part in Robert Rodriguez's upcoming film Machete. Will I be tuning in each week? I sure will. I love kung-fu and I love shows like Cops and Wildest Police Videos. That's what makes Steven Seagal: Lawman great for some one like me. The fact that it delivers the goods just RAWKS.

New episodes every Wednesday night on A&E.  Do yourselves a favor and check it out!!!

China Strike Force surely seemed like a weird movie to me. I saw it first at MovieStop and couldn't believe my eyes. Coolio and Mark Dacascos...in the same movie?!?!?!? I put it on my Netflix queue and a few days ago it finally arrived.

What's weird about this movie to me? Well first off it is obviously an HK film but filmed in English. Why!?!?! It seems worse having actors just trying to get their lines out! Just have them speak Chinese! Subtitles rock! Why would have them speak English...so you may have a big Hollywood hit on your hands? But if you wanted a big Hollywood hit wouldn't you have actors who can speak better English and not have Coolio as one of your stars?

No offense meant...because I LOVE Coolio. Love because he's horrible of course, but he's brought the awesomeness to great films like Daredevil (The Director's Cut) and Leprechaun In The Hood! But the fact this this is in English takes away from the film right from the start - especially since the film is directed by Stanley Tong - known for working with Jackie Chan on Police Story 3, First Strike, The Myth, and Rumble In The Bronx. Maybe after attempting to hit the big time with Mr. Magoo, Stanley thought an English flick would rock. AT LEAST the movie does have some bad dubbing at times. I abhor dubbing but it really hit the spot in this case.

The plot? There is none. Two cops are going after Mark and Coolio who are bringing drugs into the country. The two cops are so bland and no name that they are only known to me as Cop A and Cop B. There is also undercover agent hottie Japanese girl - her English is HORRIBLE but she is SUPER-DUPER HAWT.  The cops are boring every time they are on screen EXCEPT when its an action sequence. The action sequences are top notch as one can expect from Tong. Problem is there is too much talking in-between these scenes. It's not really PLOT per se...it is really just the characters doing boring dialogue.

Coolio and Dacascos actually work great together. Coolio is surprisingly awesome. He's not as good as the Dacascos/Kadeem Hardison team-up from 'Drive', but it is a very hard choice between Kadeem and Coolio. I think in the end Drive is just the better film and therefore makes the characters a bit more likeable - especially since Mark is a good guy in that film whereas he gets to play Mr. Baddie-Azz in China Strike Force. THE BEST PART OF THIS ENTIRE FILM is Coolio's character is named 'Coolio.' Seriously - that is just awesome. And yes - seriously - that is probably the 'best part' of this film. Actually Coolio himself is great in this film...I actually want to see more of him after seeing this. Problem is Coolio is stuck in this film. Never thought I'd say those words. Seeing Coolio do kung-fu...well...even if it is bad or doubled...it still makes me smile like a kid in a candy store.

Definitely would have enjoyed a version without dubbing and had the Mandarin parts actually IN Mandarin. But it's all good I guess. Since some of the English speaking parts are certainly dubbed over as well (meaning the English was SO bad some else did the voice) it all fits in with the ultimate cheese factor of this film.

The film is very much cheap and schlocky. The worst part is it is BORING. The actors speaking "English" is just BAHHHHHHHD. My good guesstimate is you can start fast forwarding around 35 minutes until about 1 hour 5 minutes. You miss NOTHING and get right into the last action sequence, which is pretty fun and well done.

If you want a good Stanley Tong film go rent Supercop or the cheesy-but-awesome Rumble in the Bronx. If you want good Marc Dacascos rent Drive, Only the Strong, or the amazingly-cheesy-but-super-awesome Cradle 2 The Grave. If you want good Coolio...well...this is an awesome Coolio film. If only they had more Coolio in this film it would have been just amazing but his awesome fight scene at the end almost makes this film worth it. Almost.