E Y E W A N N A B E

Kung Fu Reviews: Meals on Wheels

Reviewed by Ryan McLelland

It's a hard toss-up for me trying to decide Jackie Chan's best film. It's a narrow thought process for me as it comes down to Dragons Forever and the weirdly titled "Wheels on Meals". Both films feature the amazing trio of Jackie, Sammo Hung, and Yuen Biao...'brothers' since their early days and all film stars in their own right. But the comedy in Wheels on Meals works the best and the action scenes are amazing, with Biao really strutting his mobility. 

The plot is thin: Jackie and Biao are cousins who work a 'gut-truck' in Spain. Sammo is an acquaintance who takes over his employer's private detective agency when his boss goes on the run. Someone hires Sammo to find a beautiful girl (Lola Forner - also seen in Armour of God) whom Jackie and Biao have already had the pleasure of meeting. She's a pickpocket and the daughter of Biao's dad's girlfriend (the dad and the mom met at the local insane asylum. What love!). Anyway it seems that Silvia is being chased by mobsters so she can't claim a lot of money that should be coming to her. Bad guys give chase, Jackie and Biao help her, and Sammo runs in to try to get his way.

The three have been in a number of films together (Project A being the other film that features the three as equals) but even with the not-so great plot you'll be surprised at how well the acting is, how the jokes are still funny even while you are reading them (and don't go for something dubbed, the film is much better in Chinese), and how great the kung-fu scenes are. You'll be surprised by Jackie and Biao's skills on a skateboard and while the Jackie Vs. Benny the Jet fight scene in Dragons Forever might be a bit better, you still HAVE one in this movie.

For amazing comedy, action, and great kung-fu, that is directed by the pudgy Sammo, and taking the three men out of Hong Kong a la Way of the Dragon - this is the film for you. Fans of Jackie Chan, Yuen Biao, and Sammo Hung will be hard pressed to find something better, though Dragons Forever comes very, very close.

As for the reason the flick isn't titled 'Meals on Wheels' - it actually boils down to some Chinese superstition - where a flick that had been put out by the studio (Megaforce) failed - so they didn't want to release another movie that started with an "M" in case it failed.  That is actually a true story...

Comic Film Reviews: Whiteout

Reviewed by Ryan McLelland

Whiteout is an adaptation of the Greg Rucka Oni Press comic of the same name.  It sat on the shelf for two years and was finally released last year to zero box office while being blasted by critics.

After watching the flick I don't understand where all the bashing came from.  The film is a decent thriller with Kate Beckinsale - who is very easy on the eyes.  She's joined by The Spirit's Gabriel Macht, Alien's Tom Skerritt, and STOMP THE YARD'S COLUMBUS SHORT!  With a cast like that, how can you lose?

Maybe because the movie comes off like a case of CSI: Antarctica - where Whiteout takes place.  As the members of a science team prepare to leave Antarctica before the winter whiteout hits, US Marshall Carrie Stetko is told that a body has been found.  Can she find the killer before everyone leaves?  Is she going to be stuck in Antarctica for the winter with the killer?  Or will the killer leave with some mysterious stuff found on a old Russian  plane.  Anything good on that plane...something worth KILLING OVER!?!?!?

The flick is directed by Domenic Sena who has brought us other decent-but-not-great fare like Kalifornia, Gone in 60 Seconds, and Swordfish.

So where does the flick go wrong?  The acting is good enough, there's a decent amount of action, the story is original, and the directing is solid.  Maybe Whiteout just looked better on paper.  Maybe audiences didn't really care about the story.  Given it is a simple story - but it was INTERESTING.  It was fun seeing the Antartic weather conditions and how that limited and affected the characters and the story.  Antarctica is a vicious beast of a continent and placing a murder story in there is original enough for me.

Besides...we have Underworld, Stomp The Yard, and The Spirit all kicking major ass in the same movie!  Can you ask for anything more?  I guess....some people can.

Kung Fu Reviews: No Retreat No Surrender

Reviewed by Ryan McLelland

For those who have never seen this classic, it is finally time to find a version or catch it on TV. Directed by Corey Yuen (Transporter, DOA: Dead or Alive - and one of my billion 'Yuen Brothers' to include Sammo Hung, Yuen Biao, Yuen Woo-Ping, and Jackie Chan) it was his first American film with a script that is so bad you would probably laugh the entire movie would it not be for the actors actually trying their best to make the most out of it.

With no budget and no stars No Retreat No Surrender follows young Jason Stillwell (Kurt McKinny of Guiding Light fame) as his family moves from LA to Seattle after his Dad closes his karate studio following a fight that saw his leg broken by Ivan (VAM DAMME!). Dad decides that fighting isn't the thing and the family moves away from where 'the syndicate' could get to him. Jason meets a friend right away in RJ, a black kid with soulglo in the curls and a BMX bike with a tiny boombox on it. He also makes an enemy with Scott (the EXCELLENT Kent Lipham) who is a larger bully type with an abhorrence for Bruce Lee.

The plot is then plagued with the karate-hating Scott getting beat up by Jason when he defends poor RJ at a burger joint. His next run-in with Scott is at a karate dojo where Scott is a member. Doesn't he hate Karate? It is of no matter - as we see that Scott is friends with everyone at the dojo including tough-guy Dean Ramsey. Jason sort-of stinks at karate and gets beat up at the dojo and his girlfriend's birthday party.

JASON GETS MAD and prays to Bruce Lee at his grave. So what is the sensible thing to happen? Bruce Lee's ghost comes to visit Jason and trains him for...EVERYONE! So when that final fight happens with Jean-Claude Van Damme we all know Jason will save the day.

The movie is filled with all those great eighties moments. Bad montages, bad clothes, bad hair, and some bad acting. However Corey Yuen can direct some great fight scenes, has some great actors in McKinney, Lipham, and (don't laugh) Van Damme, and is entertaining enough for you to watch twenty years later and keep you entertained.

My new bootleg DVD purchase has added scenes then my original VHS tape (the first I ever bought) had. These are more character building moments of some of the more minor characters that truly weren't needed in the movie, so it is understandable why they were originally cut. But as the movie is short enough and my love for this ultimate B-movie gem grows, I welcome whatever scenes are available.

I say bootleg DVD because as of this point (Feb 2010!) there isn't an official US DVD release. Why? Who knows but this film could use a nice Corey Yuen director's cut. The plot is pure cheese but who can beat having Bruce Lee come forth from the dead to train you? If it had been Yuen Biao instead of Kim Tai Chong (Chong and the famous Biao both doubled for Bruce Lee in the horrible Game of Death) this film would not only be a classic, I'd have the movie poster framed on my wall.

The film is followed by several sequels including the next film which is directed by Corey Yuen. It was said that Van Damme talked McKinney out of being in the sequel and thus the plot was changed to fit two new people and not follow any characters from the first film.

WHO CARES! Find this movie! Revel in great acting, bad acting, and Jean Claude's 'first' movie role (though I still love his bad dancing in the first Breakin'). It's never going to be Enter The Dragon, Dragons Forever, or Once Upon A Time in China, but it will still give you many great hours of viewing pleasure!

Kung Fu Reviews: Eastern Condors

Reviewed by Ryan McLelland

Just after the Vietnam War the U.S. Government decides to send a group of Chinese soldiers back into 'Nam to recover some munitions long stolen by the VC. Part of this group are convicted soldiers who are relieved of their sentence should they complete the mission. But when the mission is scrubbed at the point where half the soldiers have already jumped off the plane, the misfit crew must complete the unofficial mission regardless.

Fans of the kung-fu genre will certainly find other films with better martial arts, but the kung-fu within this film is superbly done. This is because of sequences put together by stars Sammo Hung and Yuen Biao. Sammon Hung (Magnificient Butcher, Warriors Two, Dragons Forever) stars and directs this military film and is probably in the best shape of his career here, looking very fit and limber as the leader of the crew. Yuen Biao (Knockabout, Prodigal Son, Dragons Forever) plays a villager who ends up helping the troops when they come to rescue his uncle. With Yuen Biao aboard you know that you are going to see some amazing martial arts action as one of the best of all time pulls off some amazing aerial moves.

For those who follow kung-fu film history, this film certainly is interesting as it brings together many from the Peking Opera House (the China Drama Academy) where Sammo, Biao, and Jackie Chan were schoolmates. Yuen Wah, the ultimate bad guy seen recently as Landlord in Kung Fu Hustle, and Corey Yuen (who went by Yuen Kwai in his old Opera House days - and rarely acts since he's an acclaimed director of such films as The Transporter) also went to school at the same time as Jackie, Sammo, and Biao. Yuen Woo-Ping, the acclaimed actor/action coordinator of films like The Matrix, Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon, and Iron Monkey also attended the same school years earlier. Woo-Ping makes a rare acting appearance here and is pretty damn funny throughout the film providing some comic relief.

The film certainly isn't original with many plot devices from films like Deer Hunter and Dirty Dozen. However the action comes near non-stop and the great cast help push the film quickly along. The kung-fu moments do come few and far between but those fights are worth it to see Sammo and Biao performing some amazing martial arts.

COMIC FILM REVIEWS: WONDER WOMAN

Reviewed by Ryan McLelland

Wonder Woman, as a comic, can be very decent.  As a TV show it was...cheesy.  But you had Linda Carter running around in that outfit...and she looked GOOD.

DC has been circling the character as a film property for years - last I remember Joss Whedon was trying to get the character going.

But what the hell is the film going to be about!?!?!?!  I mean...it's Wonder Woman!!!

This animated movie came out a year back and I didn't watch it.  I had no interest in watching...until now.  Why?  Because after Superman/Batman and Green Lantern I knew that DC was doing a hell of a job on their comic films.  So why not Wonder Woman?  I finally sat down to watch it and was quite surprised at how well it was done.

The flick is an origin story - how Ares was defeated and jailed on Themyscira, how Wonder Woman was born out of sand, and how the Amazons trained & lived in peace on the island that is unseen to the rest of the Earth.  When super-pilot Steve Trevor is shot down and crash-lands on the pilot, an ambassador must be sent to bring Steve home.  A contest is held and Princess Diana is the victor.  She dons the Wonder Woman suit and brings Steve home.

HOWEVER Ares is freed from his cell back on Themyscira and now looks to take over the Earth.  So Wonder Woman finds herself not only in this strange, new world but has to combat the forces of Ares as well.

The voice casting is perfect: Keri Russell as Diana and Nathan Fillion as Steve.  PERFECT.  I mean - they could really play the characters in a live action film!  Alfred Molina, Virginia Madsen, and Rosario Dawson also provided voices - DC really knows how to cast voices in their films.

I enjoyed the hell out of this modern take on the character.  It was funny and violent...I would watch ten of these animated films on the character.  It made me identify with both Diana and Wonder Woman which is exactly what a film like this needs.  I'm also actually looking forward to a real live-action Wonder Woman film now...BRING IT ON!